How To Regain Your Confidence After A Break Up

When a relationship breaks down it can have a devastating effect on the parties involved, especially if the relationship had been a long term one. When you split from a partner, even if you know it is the right thing to do, it can cause physical and mental pain that will take a while to recover from. One of the issues that a relationship failing can ring about is low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. It might seem impossible at the time, but you can overcome the issue, and there are some ways to speed up the process. Read on to find out more. 

Spoil Yourself 

It’s important to remember that you are a person with needs and wants, even if your relationship breakdown has made you think otherwise. You deserve to enjoy your life and you should, therefore, do something just for you. This is not to be seen as a celebration (unless you want it to be), but instead can be looked upon as the start to a new chapter in your life. 

Think hard about what you might do for yourself. To begin with, think about anything you could never do while you were in the relationship. Was there a restaurant you always wanted to try that your partner didn’t? Go there. Was there a cosmetic procedure you were keen to have done such as options for straightening teeth? Get an appointment booked. What about an extreme sport or a road trip or a spa pamper day? Now is the time to finally do it. 

Write It Down 

Having a journal in which you can write down your thoughts and feelings can be a great way to recover your self-confidence after a breakup. Often we don’t realize quite how we’re feeling or why until we take the time to write it all down. Don’t even think about what you’re writing; just let the words flow and see what you have written at the end, either after a certain amount of time or when you run out of things to say. When you read through the words you’ve written, you’ll get a better understanding of how you’re feeling, and then you’ll be able to work on the issues, knowing what they are. 

You might also want to put your feelings down in the form of a letter to your ex-lover. Sometimes it can feel good to tell them exactly how you feel, whether you’re sad, mad, or glad that the relationship ended. It’s best not to send this letter, though. Use it just as an exercise to understand more about what you’re going through and to help you get your confidence back. 

Don’t Date 

It might be tempting to go right out and find someone new to date after you’ve split up with your partner, yet this is usually a big mistake. Dating ‘on the rebound’ won’t help with your confidence issues, and may even make them worse. It might feel as though you’re being confident by asking someone out, or agreeing to go out with someone who asks you, but if you don’t give yourself enough time to truly heal after a big breakup you might be causing yourself additional damage. 


Wait until you are happy with your own life and your own company first. Try new things, go for a promotion, take up a hobby, and generally learn to be more confident in other areas of life before you start dating again.

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